Where have all the Pirates gone?

The recent hijacking of the huge oil tanker and its 16 crew was followed by news channels and papers around the world in avid detail. Apparently the team consisted of 2 fishermen who knew the waters, 5 ex soldiers and a negotiator / spokesmen. Not a parrot, wooden leg or eye patch among them. No ship, cannons blazing and grappling hooks spewing forth to capture its stricken prey, followed by its crew being made to walk the plank. No hook handed Captain pointing a pistol at the tanker owners daughter demanding dabloons...Instead - we watched in a shocked and somewhat reverent fascination as the Pirates, bedecked in Le Coq Sportif shell suits and AK47s managed to steal a 3rd of the Middle Easts daily Oil production with the aid of a Dingy and a loud hailer.

What gets me is how easy it was for them to do it. You would have thought that with $100US worth of oil at stake, the Sheiks would be able to scrape together a bowl of rice and $2US a day to pay some guys with a few guns to protect their cargo? Maybe all their money is invested in building ridiculously large towers in Dubai...Perhaps now that recession has hit the Middle East, they can use some of the out of work construction workers as Navy Seals?

Every country that can float a boat and call it a navy has been quick to jump into those waters and start pounding away at any dingy that looks vaguely like it should have a skull and cross bones waving from its mast. The Indian Navy, believe it or not, sank a 'Pirate Mother ship'. Either Captain Hook has had an extraterrestrial experience and decided that names like 'The Foul Lady' and 'Davy Jones' Locker' are old hat, or Pirating just got modern when every one wasn't looking.

Speaking of which, when the news broke I was at work. I rubbed my hands together in glee, 'Its been ages since there was a good hijacking' was mentioned. Looking into it i more detail, around 2 of these happen every week in that part of the world - there are still over 250 crew member being held hostage pending the outcome of negotiations, from 2 years worth of hijackings. I'm obviously in the wrong game.

Weekly Impaling Stick

Louis Theroux and his 'weird weekends' - What a wet and cowardly look at the gang culture in Philadelphia. Normally I like this chaps somewhat quirky and irreverent questioning of of 'Fag' hating suburban Cults and Gay for Pay Porn stars, his complete out of placeness and hilarious use of the lingo of his given subjects make for a funny show. However, Louis Theroux in Phili was very much like watching a staunch Vegan getting paid to go seal clubbing. He was incredibly out of his depth and laughably insulting to his subjects. As he admitted in a BBC interview recently, the whole experience was very far removed from the lakeside strolls and fine food and wine of his normal life. Ross Kemp on gangs he ain't. Every stereotype of the bespeckled English gent, strapped firmly in to an over sized bullet proof vest with his sweater carefully knotted over his shoulders was realised by the streets of Phili. He failed to illuminate further into the reasons behind the drugs and violence in Philadelphia and his inept, softly softly approach to questioning both the police and the criminals made for a rather boring and mundane set of answers along the lines of 'we don't snitch white boy'. He should stick to quirky, off the wall subjects, rather than grim reality, his self deprecating and subtly sarcastic questions were completely lost on this show.

Americanisms - In this case, going to a restaurant and being called 'Doll' by the waitress, who is quite clearly a scouser.

Dungeons & Dragons 2 - Very rarely does a sequel live up to the reputation (if there is one in the first instance) of the first. Kill Bill did it well, Men in Black didnt. Ace Ventura (arguably) did, Zulu didn't. Scream didn't, and they continued to 'didn't'. D&D2 fits into the category of 'Didn't and didn't even come close, in fact merely watching this sequel completely ruined the first film'. Ham acting, Ham CGI, Ham plot and Ham bad guys. Pure and unadulterated swine.