Who else is bored of Jordan and Peter?
I am. I was bored after the first column inch the divorce received and I am still bored today, 6 months on. News of the couples war pervades into every mortal thing in my life. The Metro, a staple of morning commutes and mid afternoon toilet trips carries Team Peter headlines. The Internet, a lunch time safe haven of news sites and social networking all but orders you to view the days news on what Jordan has said about her lovers tackle, or to join this Group against Peter getting the kids. The Evening news reports are in on it. A slightly embarrassed looking Sir Trevor last night informed me that Team Jordan wanted to sit in a room and talk. Even morning TV, watched through blurry eyes and coffee carries 'My Side of the Story' reveals and other such nonsense.
The Paper are the worst. The Sun, Star, Mail and Mirror I expect it from, but even The Times carries the stories. This doesn't reflect on the media though. Be honest with yourselves Britain, the media prints it because people want to read it!!!
Instead of joining Team Peter ('because he's such a good father' and 'didn't she treat him so badly' and 'Oooo, he's got a surprisingly shit voice') or Team Jordan ('she deserves to do what ever she wants', 'he always dragged her down', 'she's got a great rack', 'she's misunderstood') Why not join Team 'I don't give a flying fuck about either Jordan or Peter and yearn for a more interesting press coverage'
They have got us all fooled. Aside from still being utterly convinced that it is all a big publicity stunt (yes, it's looking less likely 6 months on, but imagine!) look what they have achieved:
Peter Andrea, of Mysterious Girl fame (arguably the worst Pop song ever made) has just had a top 5 hit. His voice is weaker than a leprous power lifter, he looks like he has been hit with a spade and he has the stage presence of a gyrating slug.
Jordan AKA Katie Price of Big Chest fame has just released her 2000th autobiography in 5 years and whilst pictured drunk wearing a dress made from string in Ibiza groping a Brazilian student and romping with a cross dressing cage fighter named Roxanne, has been nominated for Mum of the Year 2009.
They take part in two 'fly on the wall' reality shows that gross 5 million viewers between them a week.
So the moral of the story to the countries kids is thus: Divorce is a fabulous institution that boosts the careers of even the most annoying, piss ant, talentless cretins. Give it a try.
Tuesday 27 October 2009
Love to Hate.
So, after months of early retirement, I have finally become wound up enough to get this hunk 'o junk moving again. Something has got me soooo worked up that I just had to rush out and blog to all 2 of my followers. Some heinous atrocity that has wreaked havoc across the nation has invaded every waking moment of my life and shaken me into impotent rage.
But what has done this to me? Is it the outrage sparked by the BNP's appearance on Question Time? Is it the mounting panic caused by the nations collective sigh of relief at the end of the recession (let's start borrowing again)? Have I suddenly become acutely aware of world debt? Or perhaps the plight of the rain forest? Has the recent spate of high profile celebrity deaths become to much to bear?
None of these things can compare to the horror that is John and Edward, of X-Factor fame.
Good god. Never, in the glorious history of broadcasting, has there been two more hated 'personalities'. Bernard Manning and Roy Chubby Brown once teamed up to be guest speakers at the Black Power Mother in Law's Gay Vegetarians annual general meeting. They were a bigger hit than John and Edward.
But no. They have now survived 3 weeks of the show. 3 Weeks?!?!?! If I had lost out to John and Edward I would seriously consider suicide. The British Public keep them in. But WHY? Because we Love to Hate.
The countries most recent 'public enemy number one's' were Russel Brand and Jonathon Ross. Driven on by the media frenzy that cottoned on to their horrendous faux pas, some 4 days after it happened - the great British public leapt out of their collective armchairs and made thousands of complaints. In the ensuing aftermath, Brand lost his show and Ross had a 'sabbatical'. Meanwhile, the hapless 'victims', Andrew Sachs and his Granddaughter were given a part in Coronation Street and their own topless calendar...I'll leave you to decide which way round that was.
Despite their crimes, Ross still stars in the BBC's most watched chat show and Brand gets more column inches for shagging Katie Perry and her massive chest than any plea against World Debt or suicide attack in Iraq.
The point is, as much as we HATE John and Edward, with their inexplicable hair, naive self belief and infectiously annoying personalities, they will no doubt win X-Factor and take home the prize. The Nation loves Idiots.
But what has done this to me? Is it the outrage sparked by the BNP's appearance on Question Time? Is it the mounting panic caused by the nations collective sigh of relief at the end of the recession (let's start borrowing again)? Have I suddenly become acutely aware of world debt? Or perhaps the plight of the rain forest? Has the recent spate of high profile celebrity deaths become to much to bear?
None of these things can compare to the horror that is John and Edward, of X-Factor fame.
Good god. Never, in the glorious history of broadcasting, has there been two more hated 'personalities'. Bernard Manning and Roy Chubby Brown once teamed up to be guest speakers at the Black Power Mother in Law's Gay Vegetarians annual general meeting. They were a bigger hit than John and Edward.
But no. They have now survived 3 weeks of the show. 3 Weeks?!?!?! If I had lost out to John and Edward I would seriously consider suicide. The British Public keep them in. But WHY? Because we Love to Hate.
The countries most recent 'public enemy number one's' were Russel Brand and Jonathon Ross. Driven on by the media frenzy that cottoned on to their horrendous faux pas, some 4 days after it happened - the great British public leapt out of their collective armchairs and made thousands of complaints. In the ensuing aftermath, Brand lost his show and Ross had a 'sabbatical'. Meanwhile, the hapless 'victims', Andrew Sachs and his Granddaughter were given a part in Coronation Street and their own topless calendar...I'll leave you to decide which way round that was.
Despite their crimes, Ross still stars in the BBC's most watched chat show and Brand gets more column inches for shagging Katie Perry and her massive chest than any plea against World Debt or suicide attack in Iraq.
The point is, as much as we HATE John and Edward, with their inexplicable hair, naive self belief and infectiously annoying personalities, they will no doubt win X-Factor and take home the prize. The Nation loves Idiots.
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