Monday 8 December 2008

Eat my shorts...

A man in Australia was recently convicted of possessing child pornography and indecent photos of children. He was fined, sentenced to a jail term and put on a 'good behavior' register. All well and good, and if anything a rather lax punishment for what is a sadly more frequent and sickening crime. HOWEVER the pictures he possessed were of Simpson's characters Bart, Lisa and Maggie.

The Judge in this case had to decide whether Cartoon Characters in essence classed as people. He did. Therefore, this chap has had his life ruined for having what some would class as 'funny' cartoon pictures. I am not defending showing images of children in this nature, but come on - I've been sent joke emails with worse content on than that. It was a misjudgement keeping them on his computer and for all we know he was sent them as a joke email. You can type in 'Simpson's sex' to Google and the first 50 images are (A) Explicit, openly sexual and degrading and (B) Attached to joke / comedy sites.

I tell you what though, somebody had better ring the RSPCA about the Simpson's too. The Itchy and Scatchy show violates every single covenant of the cruelty to animals act. Surely there is a case to sue the creators - Cartoon Animals are real animals too!!!

Weekly Impaling Stick

A change this week - as people have suggested that instead of any annoyance I focus primarily on annoying people So here goes:

Jo Brand - That's right the fat, humorless banshee who graces our Television Sets a couple of times a month either on Live at the Apollo re-runs or QI. Why not do something a bit different this time Jo? Tell another man joke or poke fun at being middle aged and overweight. She has the ability to turn an otherwise fantastic programme (QI) in to a farce.

Stephen Fry - "Why are Male Black Widow spiders particularly careful around their pregnant spouses?"
Jo Brand - " Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence."
Stephen Fry - "OK...ha...and what about the Black Widow Spider?"
Jo Brand - "You know what, I know Ive become middle aged because..."
Stephen Fry -"Yes if we can stick to the question Jo..."
Jo Brand, realising she has no talent or intelligence and cant answer the question, sticks to what she knows - "Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. "
Stephen Fry - "Excellent 10 points"

I wouldn't mind but with the advent of Dave TV, Jo now appears on our screens all to regularly with her routine of sexist, irrelevant and boring gags.

Terry Wogan - The Eurovision Song Contest has been in steady decline in 'the naughties'. The general standard at Eurovsion was always bad, but Terry's constant sarcastic and deprecating commentary made for great watching. The last 10 years have seen a rise in the political vote, to the point where Terry and his regular audience could accurately account for around 60 points for 3 or 4 ex eastern block and certain western European countries. England, always a nation with mixed fans around the world regularly manages to receive next to nil poits, with even the 'home nations' passing us over in favour of Finish Rock groups or Israeli Transvestites. Perhaps the worst result to come from the War in Iraq is the effect it has had on our points in the Eurovision. The whole show has become a political minefield, and those countries that do not make a politically motivated vote instead vote for the gimmick. And Terry kept the whole thing together. He was the rock over witch waves of Europop and rock crashed, our guide through the shambolic contest of European popularity. And now he's gone, Eurovision can expect nil poits in terms of viewers.

Lewis Hamilton - I can forgive him his pop star girlfriend and multi million pound salary. I can forgive him his jet set lifestyle, permatan and sports cars. I can forgive him his sponsorship deals and tax free lifestyle in Switzerland. What I can't forgive is the fact that he has ruined the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award, because it isn't in doubt now. The one redeeming feature is that he will stop that inspiring, hugely entertaining pinnacle of entertainment that is Andy Murray from winning....snore.