Weekly Impaling Stick 2009

That's right, the stick is back in business!

Crazy Cat Lady - She has made several appearances in this blog thus far, so I see this as somewhat of an effort to find closure. If I don't have to mention her again it will be too soon. But her latest statement was a corker. She was discussing how she would react when her cats eventually died, and how she would feel. She has the funeral organized already. That's right, funeral. But the Cat's wouldn't be buried, oh no, they would be carbonised and crystallized. "I'm going to make a pair of earrings and a ring out of them when they die" she said. How lovely! Wow, Crazy cat lady, that's a lovely ring, where did you get that?" "Its my Cat."

Christmas Flu - This represents not just the sneezing, coughing and shitting fits you get every Christmas, but every cold and virus you get every time you are going on any kind of holiday - be it a bank holiday, Christmas, Easter or annual leave. You or your partner or someone in your office is bound to get something and gleefully pass it on to you. I somehow avoided it this year, which probably means I'm going to get a double dose when next I go on Holiday.

Lavish Proposal's - A few of my friends have got engaged recently and it seems to be a case of one-up-man-ship. It started with a nice silver ring with a diamond and a bended knee proposal in their favourite restaurant. This wasn't good enough for the 2nd friend. He went to Paris, took her up the Eiffel Tower on New Year's Eve and proposed to her amidst a back drop of fireworks as the clock struck 12 with a white gold ring and a diamond the size of my fist. The Gits! This makes everyone of us who hasn't popped the question yet look inadequate. What do we have to do to top that?
"If you would just peer out of the port side window my darling you will see I have arranged for the children of China to hold hands and light candles to spell out 'Will you Marry me?" Of course, I arranged all that before we took this shuttle to the moon to coincide with me presenting this Ring fashioned by St Valentine himself from platinum arrow heads which the King of the Cherubs donated and adorned with a diamond the size of a child's skull."